Quarrels are never pleasant. No matter who you are busy with, your partner, a friend, a colleague or a family member, a strong quarrel can leave you feeling bad for days. An American study posted on Business Insider, has tried to find out what pushes us towards conflict even when we know it will eventually upset us. These are 6 findings from the world of psychology that offer some lesser-known answers about reason that pushes us toward strong confrontations.
1 – You have a lot of power, but you lack respect
One of the ways researchers view interpersonal conflicts is by analyzing the situations that created them in the first place. Dozens of studies have found that in the workplace people who are given a lot of power but who have low social status tend to be involved in a high number of conflicts. Decide to work with someone else and a ‘vicious cycle’ of biased insults and comments are likely to form and lead to conflict.
2 – You are not getting enough sleep
If you have studied sleep science at all, then you know that if you do not get enough sleep it will definitely bring negative effects on your daily life. It’s bad for your health, your brain, and your ability to get things done.
But sleep also plays an important role in conflicts, of course, in addition to the stress and anxiety that significantly aggravate the situation. A study of several couples in a laboratory, found that even when only one of the partners did not get enough sleep, it caused situations that made it impossible to solve problems, which certainly resulted in quarrels and conflicts.
3- You are more rational than you should be
What do people say at the moment they are debating with someone who does not want to make any compromises? Be reasonable. Be rational. But it seems that more rationality than necessary pushes you towards conflicts.
Studies suggest that human beings are at their most reasonable degree the moment they are involved in debate, choosing positions that are easiest to defend, and thinking and choosing well every word they say. But the same rationality makes it harder for them to take into account the other’s point of view because in those moments, we use our minds as a weapon to defeat the other person, which can often dampen our sharpness and intuition towards the truth.
4 – You are yourself involved
Being self-contained increases the likelihood that you will feel bad after conflicts. A study of 261 students at the University of Taiwan examined cases where they had had conflicts with their parents.
The researchers used the number of cases where students used the word ‘we’ as a gauge that divided them into two groups, the group that thought of themselves and their parents as a single unit and the other group that thought of themselves and their parents as two units. separated. Those who used the word ‘us’ more often felt directly better at the end of the conflict and were more likely to reach a compromise.
5 – You are not good enough
An extremely important factor in the way we resolve conflicts is the way we feel about them, which includes feelings of empathy and compassion. It shows your capacity to be kind to yourself – taking into account your personal needs and desires – but also to others and their conditions.
People with low self-compassion submit more simply and in the moment of confrontation, reach directly to “compromises” based entirely on the needs and desires of the other person. On the other hand, people with high self-compassion tend to reach better compromises and view the situation with more rationality and less emotional load.
6 – You are not authentic
Quarrels happen. Even if you were to take all the necessary steps in order to be in perfect harmony with the needs of yourself and others around you, life would still encounter people who do not take these steps and sometimes you will. you have to insist on yours.
The only way to handle this situation is to look for yourself and your true self. Numerous studies have found that people who do not feel like they are hiding their feelings and beliefs are more protected against negative emotions after a conflict. They can close a conflict without feeling bad later. But people who do not feel authentic in their actions tend to do the opposite.